I've tweaked the opening sequence and added a close up in the scenes with the vertical stripes. I also followed some more advice and turned the slope into more treacherous stairs and the chasm now disappears so our hero falls into the black, into the next sequence:
I think it works nicely now, but please let me know what you think! :)
I think it works nicely now, but please let me know what you think! :)
yeaaaaaaaaaaaa
ReplyDeleteGlad you approve! :D
DeleteHey Molly - you know all this perseverance is paying off - because with each iteration and refinement, your visual story-telling is improving - and the flow remains energised. The section that remains flattest (by comparison) is the 'grid' sequence just after the 'sliding bars' sequence - because it just seems as if the environment isn't 'happening' to your character here, when at this point the 'black' should probably be at its most dominant. You've got a prison thing implied here, so some suggestions for this section might be a) to up the number of lines, so you create a more conspicuous sense of enclosure - and then perhaps, have the white squares 'turning out' (as if they're lighted windows being extinguished one-by-one), until your guy in alone in a single remaining window, and then that goes black too - at which point you're looking at a completely black screen - in readiness for the bit when he pushes the black curtain back up. I just think the environment needs to 'win' at this stage - and maybe the image of the white spaces winking out one after the other is a better way to communicate this 'darkest just before the dawn' moment - you know thinking about it, the way to do this might be (after the sliding bars scene) - to show your character trapped in a square of white - a window? - and then the camera pans back quickly - to reveal that this square of white is one of many in a black grid (or 'building' in the character is now isolated and alone looking out of a window) - and then, one by one, all the other white spaces (white 'windows' in the black 'building') turn black (lights winking out) - and then your character's 'window' goes black (and then it's the sequence with the push up of the curtain?). The point of all this rather long-winded description is to suggest that you need a more emphatic means of showing the 'final' dominance of the black before the fight back...
ReplyDeleteNow - don't panic when you read this, Molly. Just take a moment and give it some thought. (But I'd suggest you're very nearly there!).
Thanks Phil! Don't worry, I read all this fine, I had my panic earlier :P
DeleteI'd forgotten about that window idea! I'll have a go at that tomorrow for sure, hopefully I can have this finished or ALMOST finished for Friday :D